


you don't have to speak (I can hear your heartbeat)

by CarbonFootprint



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I can't stop I'm leokumi trash, M/M, Minor Revelations spoilers, Nightmares, Post-revelations path, v minor blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6402340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbonFootprint/pseuds/CarbonFootprint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They ended a war but more ancient battles still rage, two battles rather; infecting his mind and his heart, and he’d been fighting for what felt like forever. His aches are not nearly as important as the world's so he stays quiet despite knowing deep down that he can't take much more."</p><p>The war is over and there's peace, but Takumi can't feel it until Leo finally shows it to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you don't have to speak (I can hear your heartbeat)

**Author's Note:**

> I did it again more Leokumi garbage I'm sorry. Takumi's canon nightmares and Leokumi in general inspired me to write again after months of not doing it so yep here's this. 
> 
> If you want a lot of feels read while listening to the song "Dream" by Imagine Dragons because my heart hurts and I love leokumi

Takumi wakes up screaming most nights after the war is over, muffling the sounds into his pillow so no guards come rushing and cause him further embarrassment. Half the time he can't remember what has been haunting him. He doesn't know what's worse: knowing whatever he has forgotten will return more vividly the next night, or dwelling on the horrors until the morning light breaks from the horizon.

He's terrified of something so easy for everyone else; falling asleep is as fearful as the nightmares to come. Some nights he wakes up and he can't breathe and he wonders if he'll die there, gasping for air in his own bed, strangled by his own ridiculous fears.

What makes it worse is the notion of the Nohrian nobles visiting Hoshido as friends rather than foes for the first time in the spring. Ryoma’s coronation is at hand and they have too much diplomatic work to do before the Nohrian royals head home. Prince Leo's quarters are so close to his own, and that scares him as well. He couldn't have Leo seeing his weakness or hearing him cry out in the dark at night.

He would call Prince Leo his closest friend of the Nohrians he met while fighting the war, and despite the rocky start to their relationship, it had slowly become more than just a friendship. Leo had made several notions of interest to more in the letters they exchanged, going as far as to be so open with his feelings after the war. They had both agreed that action beyond comradery while the war raged would be inappropriate, but the war is gone and Takumi knows he’s willing. He enjoys the Leo always smiles at him so gently, not the smirk he wears when addressing his Nohrian friends and retainers. He keeps his feeling private of his siblings, making sure each letter full of his affections is sealed tightly before it was shipped off to Leo.

Now, Leo is coming to Hoshido, and though Takumi could keep his spirits high and fears hidden in his letters, it would be more difficult in person for sure.

In his dreams the night before the Nohrians arrive, he kills Leo despite the other prince begging him not to. He kills him and stands in a pool of his blood before he wakes up gasping and choking on the air he is trying so desperately to breathe in. He doesn't sleep the rest of the night and Ryoma comments on how tired he looks the next day.

He is tired, unbelievably so, but he can maintain his composure. He knows he has to in front of the Nohrians especially. He gets the feeling that Ryoma has at least some knowledge of his continued nightmares, but his older brother is too polite to mention it, either that or he just doesn't care. Takumi is too exhausted to try and puzzle through what Ryoma feels towards him so he settles on the latter, and it makes his heart ache worse for the times in which his brother had seemed to love him more before the war and maturity and responsibilities had chipped away at their love.

The Nohrians arrive without much fanfare. It's already late at night by the time their carriages pull up to the castle, but Princess Elise still squeals loudly when she sees Sakura again.

Leo greats him with a soft smile before Ryoma beckons everyone inside where dinner is already prepared. They walk side by side down the hall to where dinner is set up and Takumi notices for the first time that Leo isn't wearing his armor. His clothes are dark, trimmed with gold thread and accented with a color like that of the deep purple on his cape, but the heavy metal pieces that formerly clung to his body are gone with the war.

Takumi wishes he could take away his dreams as easily as Leo has taken off his armor.

Leo had shed the war so easily and he looks far more relaxed, though he still holds himself tall. He's taller than Takumi as it is, but Takumi can't help but feel shorter, lower, beaten down with the weight of his fears pressing onto his shoulders.

"Takumi?" Leo's voice breaks into his thoughts and he looks up quickly, an embarrassing flush staining his cheeks.

"S-sorry," he says quickly, "What?"

"I was just inquiring how things have been," Leo says, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, right, well," Takumi stammers, "The kingdom is still recovering from the war," he starts, "The people are a lot- happier I guess and-"

"Takumi," Leo cuts him off quietly, "I meant, how have you been? You look- tired..."

"I'm fine," Takumi gets out before he can think on the matter and show Leo just how hard he's trying to keep himself together.

"If you're sure-"

"I'm sure," Takumi snaps, before sitting at the table to eat, wishing he could tune out the excited chatter of he younger princesses next to him. He likes that Elise brings Sakura out of her shell, but his head is pounding and his body doesn't want to move anymore that day from exhaustion, “I’m sorry… I’m just- my head aches.”

“I understand,” Leo nods and his hand brushes Takumi’s own gently under the table. The touch warms him and the pounding behind his eyes ceases for just a moment.

He gets to his room that night and is desperate for sleep, but his heartbeat speeds up whenever he imagines closing his eyes to sleep and he wants to cry because he feels so weak, scared of what goes on inside his own head.

He sleeps for a few short intervals that night before going to soak in the bath until the sun rises above the horizon. His skin is wet and his fingers are pruning, but he feels a little more rested than the previous night. He puts on some loose robes, sitting outside the sliding doors in his room to let his hair dry in the cool spring wind. He closes his eyes and feels calmer than he does when he's in bed at night, knowing that in the daylight his mind wouldn't haunt him as badly.

"You're up early." He hears a voice behind him and he knows it's Leo, stepping behind him before settling at his side. He opens his eyes and regards Leo there. Leo is wearing a loose white tunic, which is strange because his brain is so accustomed to seeing Leo wearing dark colors.

"I am but, if I recall correctly, you're the one who isn't a morning person," Takumi quips softly, letting his words run off into a soft sigh as the wind tugs at his hair gently, sending some strands flowing across his face.

"That is true," Leo says with a laugh on his lips, smiling a little, "I have never seen your hair like this," he starts quietly, "I didn't realize it was this long."

"It is," Takumi says, his eyes closed once more before he feels Leo's fingers brushing his cheek, tucking his wind-mussed hair behind his ear. He hears himself take a short breath before he realizes he is and Leo's fingers start to pull away, "No... It's alright," he says in one breath, "It's alright." He opens his eyes halfway and looks over at Leo, blinking once. Leo is frozen in place for a minute before his fingers come down on Takumi's cheek again, his palm finally cupping his face gently.

"It would be a shame to let our relationship end as only friends," Leo murmurs the words they had spoken once before between them.

"I agree," Takumi whispers, shuddered a bit at the feeling of Leo's warm fingers on his wind-cooled skin.

"Good," Leo says before he's leaning closer, guiding Takumi's lips to his own and kissing him. Leo's lips are warm and dry at the edges, but if they were too too soft it wouldn't be Leo. Leo is only soft when he wants to be, and even then he cannot shed his entire persona, not even for Takumi.

Takumi wouldn't want it any other way.

He kisses Leo like he's dying of thirst and Leo is the only water for miles. He feels like he is truly dying, but probably not of thirst. He doesn't know why he can't control his own mind and his own fears, but when Leo's lips are on his, his head is his own again and all he wants to think about is Leo; Leo's lips on his own, Leo's hands cupping his cheeks, Leo's fingers slipping into his hair, stroking through the soft strands. He grips Leo's bicep with one hand, his other hand curled into Leo's thin tunic, feeling the steady thumping of his heart against his palm. Leo’s heart is calm. Takumi’s hopes his own feels the same

The kiss breaks before Takumi wants it to, but Leo's forehead rests against his own and he supposes that's enough for now. The continued contact grounds him and he craves it more than he’d like to admit.

"What are we?" He hears himself say before he can help it.

"More than friends," Leo says back, his voice quiet, "Okay?"

"Yes," Takumi says quickly before he can let his his exhausted mind think about it and ruin what he truly wants. Leo pulls away and takes his hand, his thumb stroking over his knuckles and Takumi lets him.

They sit there in the early morning sun until a maiden comes to fetch them for breakfast.

The day is filled with preparations for Ryoma's coronation and Takumi is too exhausted to not sleep that night.

He sleeps with the aid of tonic a healer brought for him. His mind goes blank with how tired he is and the effects of the tonic, yet he still wakes before dawn has even broken into the sky. He doesn't feel rested or normal, but he feels like he'll be able to get through the day.

Leo joins him outside once again and with how the blond prince is regarding his face, he knows Leo is wondering about his sleeping habits.

_Ask, just ask._

A voice in Takumi's head begs desperately because he can't put his pride aside to just ask Leo for help, to come clean and cry out all his worries and insecurities and fears. He can't do that though. Leo cares for him, and he cares for Leo, but Leo doesn't need to worry about him and his silly fears.

_Please ask._

His thoughts still beg, desperate for Leo's lips to part and ask him what's wrong and why he looks so exhausted.

Leo's lips stay pressed together, but he does reach for Takumi's hand and Takumi lets him tangle their fingers together. That's enough for now. It had to be enough.

* * *

 

Ryoma's coronation is a large affair. Not only is it the coronation of the new king of Hoshido, but it is also the celebration of the end of a long war and the first visit of the Nohrian royals as allies rather than enemies. Takumi is wearing his best clothes and several maidens had done his hair for him, twisting a few small braids into the silver waves. Elise had asked him if she and Sakura could braid his hair too when she saw him. Camilla had shushed her, but Takumi hadn't been about to decline truthfully.

"You look lovely," Leo says when he sees him before the ceremony, "Like a proper high Prince of Hoshido." He smiling, a bit of a teasing lilt to his voice, but his eyes are kind and reverent as he approaches in his own ceremonial clothes. He's wearing his boots and cape and armor, but not as much as he would wear into battle. The metal is polished expertly as usual. The dark metal highlighted with gold is shining the the light of the hallway they're standing in, suddenly alone with the departure of their sisters.

"You look nice too," Takumi says softly, ducking his head as Leo's fingers glide over the braids in his hair, a smile on his lips.

"I like your hair this way," the other prince comments before his fingers slip down to cradle his jaw, "Did you sleep well last night? You look far more rested than yesterday."

"Yeah," Takumi lies, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He prays Leo's fingers don't move farther north and feel the paint applied under his eyes by the maidens who had helped him get ready. He had looked awful that morning, his skin pale and his eyes ringed with dark circles. Certainly not a look befitting a high prince of any land.

Leo hums in response and Takumi sees the way his eyes darken a bit. He can't question the change before Orochi beckons for them to come assume their proper places for the ceremony. As he's dragged away, he still feels Leo's fingers on his face and he craves the feeling back.

He almost falls asleep during the ceremony and Hinoka has to elbow him awake. He sees Leo's eyes focused on him when he looks up and he forced himself to look at Ryoma, only at Ryoma. If he looks at Leo too long, he knows he’ll break.

The celebration goes on through the night. Dignitaries and nobles from Hoshido and neighboring lands have all flocked to the palace. Takumi wonders how many times Ryoma has been told he looks just like their father that night; he can count on one hand the number of times he's been told that in his entire life.

He drinks as much sake as he wants because he can and its not like anyone wants to talk to the _secon_ d high prince of Hoshido over the new king. His heart aches because Ryoma has assumed the role his mother once held, and their father before that.

His heart aches because Mikoto would be proud of Ryoma, as would Sumeragi.

No one is proud of him.

They ended a war but more ancient battles still rage, two battles rather; infecting his mind and his heart, and he’d been fighting for what felt like forever. His aches are not nearly as important as the world's so he stays quiet despite knowing deep down that he can't take much more.

He just wants to sleep.

He stands abruptly from his seat, not that anyone notices really. His balance a bit off from the alcohol in his system, but he rights himself quickly because he has to until he's behind closed doors.

He needs to be alone.

"Prince Takumi?" Hinata calls behind him as he walks away from the party towards his chambers. He ignores Hinata, and he knows Hinata won't follow.

He reaches his room and closes the door before sliding to the floor in front of it, exhaustion hitting him hard. He's so tired. The makeup is still disguising his features, making him look presentable as he should be and he hates it.

He tugs the ribbon from his hair and strips of the robes he's wearing, slinging them over the mirror so he can't see himself as he wipes his face clean of the makeup.

The robes slide off the mirror to lay in a heap on the floor and his reflection catches his eye begging him to go to bed, to close his eyes and rest.

"I can't," he hisses out in the dark, "I can't." He wants to punch the glass, to shatter his own image because he can't bear to look at himself any longer. He sees the disappointment of those around him etched into his features, the childish fear of the dark in his own eyes.

Most of the time, he's the monster in his own dreams, and it's fitting that way. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he only sees the monster in his dreams.

His reflection stares back at him, imploring him for something that he can't pinpoint so he pulls his fist back and slams it into the mirror, shattering the glass and his own visage. Broken shards of glass slice through the skin on his curled fingers and it feels good.

This pain is real, reminding him that everything else he feels is weakness in his own head. He pulls his fist back, feeling the urge to strike again fade as waves of sensitivity and pain running though his hand. Blood bubbles from the slices in his skin. He watches it drip from his fingers into the fabric of his pants. The maids won't be happy to see that. Blood is so bothersome to get out of clothes. He doesn't try and stem the bleeding though, watching the red liquid continue to roll in drops down his fingers, hitting the floor now.

"Takumi?" Leo's voice comes from the doorway and Takumi wonders how long he's been there.

How shameful does he seem to the other prince?

How much of his weakness did he see?

"Takumi! Are you alright?" Leo gasps, coming closer to him, "You're- you're bleeding. What happened?"

He doesn't answer because he doesn't have the words, his head hung in shame and hair hiding his face as Leo grasps his oozing hand. Leo presses a wet cloth to the wounds to try and stop the bleeding, his movements firm yet gentle and something deep down in Takumi heart wishes he would make it hurt more. 

"Takumi," Leo breathes, "Takumi... What's wrong?"

He can't answer so he just shakes his head lightly, swallowing as Leo wraps his hand in bandages he's found in a drawer of his vanity.

"Takumi," Leo tries again, "Why won't you look at me?

"I can't," Takumi finally chokes out. That’s not enough for Leo and the other prince doesn’t respond, clearly waiting for more, "I can't do anything... I can't look at you, I can't look at myself, I can't- I can't _sleep_ , Leo, I- I can't..."

"Takumi," Leo says and Takumi hates how his voice quivers slightly with emotion. He hates how Leo sounds so concerned, so careful, like he's approaching a wounded animal in the woods with the intention to help and not hurt. He hates it and he craves it. It makes him want to cry until he can't breathe.

"Don't-" Takumi whispers when Leo's warm hand cups his cheek, but the taller prince ignores him, gently raising his head up so he can see Leo's pretty brown eyes made darker by the lack of light in the room, "Don't..." He begs again, but Leo isn't listening to him as he cups his face, his thumbs grazing the dark circles under Takumi's eyes, fingers wiping the tears starting to gather in his eyes.

"You can't sleep," Leo repeats softly.

"I _can't_ ," Takumi confirms before his voice cracks and a sob leaves his throat not of his own choice. He's being pulled forward into Leo's chest and he clings to the other prince tightly as he cries. Leo is holding him so tightly, running his hands through his hair as he tries to keep his sobs quiet.

They’re moving as he cries. Leo is walking them backwards towards the bed until he's pulling Takumi onto the bed with him, cradling him close.

"Why can't you sleep?" Leo asks. Takumi knows he already knows the answer and it comes before he can even open his mouth, "Your nightmares?" Takumi nods against his chest.

"The war is over, Takumi," Leo whispers, "There's nothing to fear any longer."

Takumi knows that's not true. The words should penetrate, but those words have never been true and will never be either. There's everything to fear as before aside from getting killed in battlefield or losing his siblings and friends.

"There's still everything else," he gets out, his voice broken and wrecked from crying, "There's still _everything_..."

"Right now, there's nothing but you and me," Leo says and his voice sounds heavenly against the exhaustion pounding in Takumi's head, "Just you and me. And you are going to sleep. And I will remain here with you."

The notion of it is so simple and it makes Takumi want to cry again but he doesn't have any tears left. He lifts his gaze and Leo's fingers are on his cheeks in a second, swiping away his remaining tears before stilling on his face.

"You're beautiful even when you cry," Leo breathes as if he's come to a revelation, "Gods, Takumi..."

"Leo," Takumi hears his voice before he can think to say the other prince's name, "You should kiss me..."

"I will," Leo agrees leaning to press his lips to Takumi's, "I would have all of you with me if ever I could."

"You can," Takumi says and his voice doesn't quiver for the first time since Leo has come in the room, "You can take anything you want."

"No… I cannot take what you won't give to me," Leo's voice is sad on this utterance and Takumi feels his heart healing a bit rather than breaking even more because Leo is right, his words sad yet truthful. Takumi knows only he can repair that.

"I'm sorry," he says because his pride is too strong and he should apologize, "I'll give you everything if you truly want me to."

"I don't want that," Leo hums, relaxing more into the pillows, his fingers playing easily in Takumi's hair, "I want you little by little. I want to take you apart and put you back together, and I want you to let me. I cannot force you. I can only want and hope."

"I want-" Takumi starts, swallowing around the lump in his throat, "I want you to."

"Then I will," Leo says, his fingers still stroking Takumi's hair, gently undoing what's left of the braids, "But it's a two-person effort."

"What is?"

"Love." Leo answers so simply and Takumi feels his heart heal a bit more. He had lost his mother twice in theory, and his father twice. He had watched the ghost of his mother and father die again in the hidden kingdom, and any dregs of love he had been hanging onto for so long had been pulled away from him.

Leo brings love back to his cold soul and it was a sorely missed feeling, one that Takumi recognized as the missing piece he had been starved for for so long.

They don't speak again that evening. Everything that expressly needed to be said in that moment out in the open. Takumi stays in Leo's arms, his head laying against Leo's chest as the Nohrian prince strokes his back and plays with his hair as he seems to enjoy doing.

Slowly, eventually, painstakingly, he falls asleep. There’s no pain, no blood, no death, only peace.

Leo is still there when he wakes, and the late morning sun streams through the windows.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you for any comments or kudos ;;;u;;; 
> 
> Let us all descend into Leokumi hell together ;w;


End file.
